Sunday, November 22, 2009

Prayer for Judgment

Dear Sarah and Cicely,
Please do not kick me out of your book club here when I just barely got my toe in the door with all you hot AND smart babes.

Thank you so much for inviting me for this Sunday night. I'm sorry I didn't make it...BUT --WHAT a compliment—to come the first night willy-nilly don’t-worry-about-this-month’s-book-we’ll-barely-touch-it. A book club – well, I’ve been waiting for this, sniffing around the kitchen floor of inclusion, and it’s finally happening. For years I’ve heard about the chilling over some cool chard and a little “You know, I didn’t like the ending.” but no matter what…I just couldn’t get the golden ticket! Listen, I’ve read enough books and eaten enough chocolate to have earned both. I’ve been all holed up in my funny pants with my Dottie Allison, Maggie Atwood and Barbie Kingsolver and no deadline. Well, wake up, Little DeeDee!

By way of application I would like to say that I am a current member of the Belk’s Bra and Panty Club. Also, I would be willing to speed read after doing shots of tequila just to prove my fluency and alcohol tolerance, skills it sounds like I’ll need.

Why I had to bail tonight: I got to whining to my husband about work I hadn't gotten done and Monday looming, and just generally spun myself into a dirty little funk. Taking a little twirl around the house and finding myself “paralyzed with possibility” (crap everywhere, no clean jeans, and the list from Hell), I heard the word I’ve come to hate…SIMPLIFY. By the time he was done with his speech I could barely sneak out of the house to drop off the kid and make a 2nd trip to deliver a well-meaning turkey to someone who apparently had been “simplifying” with a nappypoo the first time I came by.

Have you ever seen those stickers at the dollar store – they are “thought clouds” in purple animal print, marketed for teenagers to put on their walls above pictures of their beautiful selves (probably flashing for Facebook). I bought a set…I had a dollar. One of the thought bubbles said, “Love me, love my mess!” And I say in my own purple-animal print way, with a little roar big enough to blow the bills off the dining room table, “Love me, Love my YES!” Bring it on.

It’s early still…I know right now you’re meeting without me; probably still laughing, touching each other on the shoulders, saying “you know, it’s the whole thing, it’s the minced onion with the poppy seed and the butter and swiss cheese and the ham and the right party rolls…it’s a total taste sensation.” I bet Kara made something real good. For the record I am NOT sitting here with flaky skin and no clue what to wear with the 3rd graders tomorrow. You know I could care less about acceptance and the mercilessness of children regarding substitutes.

So great to see you both on Friday night-- Cicely, thanks so much for having us to your housewarming...that was great, especially if this translates into us getting some new flooring ourselves this spring. You outdid yourself and I appreciate it. Only regret: I wish I’d put some of the little Chick-fila sandwiches in my purse, but I never could sense a good time to really go for a handful. will be happy to hear of an item on my Christmas list -- a new jar for olive oil since I want to snnaaazzze up my kitchen a little bit in the new year. In this past year, though, I have so enjoyed the jar that you brought to Melissa's house for the gift exchange because you could not stand the sight of it in your house. I continue to be amazed at how the good taste of others ends up benefitting me! Yahoo! Now, while I have much lower standards than you, even I can see the room for improvement. When I sell my first screenplay I plan on stockpiling Italian dinnerware, but until then I just cross my fingers for another good white elephant party.

Also, do WE have a name? If not, that’s fine, no pressure. I can just start saying, “It was SO funny…at my book club last week…”

Kisses and love,
p.s. What are WE reading for December?