Friday, July 22, 2011

The Roughest Courage

Stanback Hall, Catawba College, Halloween, 1992

"I do not wish to treat friendships daintily, but with the roughest courage.  When they are real, they are not glass threads or frost-work, but the solidest thing we know."
--Emerson, from "Friendship"

The word "blessed" is losing it's sacredness for me. People say it so often.  So, I'll say that I'm damn lucky to have my friends.  I know that I don't know all that I will know about women's friendships, but what I do know is that they seem more and more tied to my life's work. 

 5 Quiet Moments of Friendship
  • yoga with Phoebe
  • watching Ashley put on her wedding dress
  • riding the train to NYC with Jennifer
  • getting a pedicure with Amy
  • the long drive to Maine with Sarah in her jeep
5 Loud Moments of Friendship
  • my bachelorette party with penis straws
  • a peace rally in DC
  • a 1990 Counting Crows concert in a dirty basement in Charlotte
  • Thursday nights at Catawba
  • in the van after winning a tennis match 
5 Sad Moments of Friendship
  • when grandparents die
  • when parents die
  • when time flies
  • when they can't ask for help
  • when you can't ask for help
5 Happy Moments of Friendship
  • when the babies come
  • when you realize they are a badass
  • when they know you well enough to pick on you
  • when you make something together
  • when you get to have a long talk after a long absence
 5 Woo-woo Moments of Friendship
  • I think of Jenny, then the phone rings and it's her
  • finding out Elaine was from Mooresville, too, and feeling like IT all made sense
  • a psychic described to me Mrs. Mott (exactly!) and told me she was there to help me -- always
  • seeing my friend's faces in their children
  • figuring out that Toad the Wet Sprocket on the radio is always a sign from Carrie
I'm having more woo-woo moments all the time.  I think I know why.  I think women get exponentially wiser and more attuned with the world after 35, or at least that's what's happening to me.  Maybe it's due to extra love and extra loss and getting less willing to deal with crap and more interested in truth...and much, much more willing to fight for girls and other women.

If you have some woo-woo moments (inexplicable connections between you and a friend), I'd love to hear about them.  I wish you quiet, loud, sad, happy, and weird moments with your friends, and I wish you the time to sort them (the moments AND the friends) out.  Do yourself a favor: do not speak ill of other women, even those who are not your friends.  They are some other women's friends.