Saturday, August 6, 2011

25 Things I'll Never Do


1.  Be a whitewater rafting instructor
2.  Pull a begonia out of someone's yard because I'm drunk and it's there (again)
3.  Love science fiction
4.  Play with a Ouija board (again)
5.  Think the crazy thought "girls are hard, boys are easy"
6.  Threaten to spank or slap a child at a shoe store ("Imma slap you in a second")
7.  Drink a whole bottle of soy sauce
8.  Stick to every single one of my many, many resolutions
9.  Stop making resolutions
10.  Be cast in the remake of Mr. and Mrs. Smith 
11.  Underestimate the power of authentic sweetness with a customer service agent
12.  Be a napper
13.  Give up on all my crafty projects
14.  Be able to trick someone else into painting my fence
15.  Fall asleep first at a slumber party (again)
16.  Accurately describe the events of Watergate (no matter how much I read about it AND love Dustin Hoffman)
17.  Let someone mention Dale Earnhardt, Jr. without saying "I went to high school with him."  I'll never let it slide. 
18.  Not think curly-headed people have it made
19.  Train for dentistry
20. Give up on the woo-woo stuff of life
21.  Consistently move the clothes from the washer to the dryer promptly (like I need to right now)
22.  Rank gummy bears over chocolate chips
23.  Get a chance to eat my way off of Golden Grahams Island (again)
24.  Buy yellow clothes
25.  Give up on the beach house