Monday, August 15, 2011

The Newspaper in August: Oh to be yong again...


This is a "found" poem.  I took words and phrases and names from articles, ads, the crossword puzzle, and the TV guide from yesterday's Sunday paper (August 14, 2011...The Daily Progress), mixed them all up and made sense of it my way.

Two typos I found in the same quote, and I'm not even "The Matrix" star.  
Who is?
Who wants to say no to 300 million?
Who wants a Minute to Win It with John of Ohio or Nancy of California?
Not regarding the FREE document shredding event and NOT regarding the 2011 World Series of Poker, I read, 

"Your chances of survivng are better if you're yong."

Dear Abby is Abigail Van Buren and also Jeanne Phillips, and I bet she was yong once. 
I'm forming a super-committee to create new frat letters and to spread the swift treatment and amazing normalcy of face transplants.  

On the route between DaNang and Hue, South Vietnam you will not find
the 17-Day Diet or the Housewives of New Jersey.
You may get bad groundhog advice.
You may take pleasure in your bungled debt.   

Now, at 55, Lizzy is looking back on an empty and meaningless life, but I say:
Cancer:  don't scoff at change; it is probably exactly what you need.  Go to the Charlottesville Laughter Yoga Club -- they meet from 10:15 to 11:30 a.m. on Saturdays at the Gordon Avenue Library.

Let me tell you the history of the property of Keswick Hall, where we go unhurried
where we enjoy monopolies
where we live in the garden of the beasts.

Geraldo at Large is not known for his so-called diving reflex but 
what is the word for one who is not class conscious? It's 6 letters and will intersect with a vaudeville hook.
What will the torturous ordeal finally bear you? 
The center jewel in the much-expanded crowd will inspect his body carefully because there may be a successful guest -- an American Dog Tick.  This bodes ill.  
NEVER wean the country, never shift your perspective and never remove ticks using gasoline, petroleum jelly, nail polish, matches or your bare hands. 

No matter what you and your husband built in 1912 there is relentless danger, 
there is the shock of being plunged into cold water.  You will wish to be yong again. 
She who shies from the tough fight will find herself near death anyway on the
final day of the PGA championship.